There comes a time in everyone’s life where some accounting is necessary. Taking stock is important to the flow of life. I personally did some serious stock taking about 10 years ago and at that time I really felt that there could be no more. How wrong that thought was. I began to write a book at that time, called Hindsight. This book is the story of a young girl (me) who left Scotland at the age of 18 years old to come to live in America. With the greatest hopes that life would be different, these hopes would come to fruition though not exactly the way I had envisioned them. Facing a whole new world with some extremely, unsettling circumstances. The true story deals with the decision making process ongoing and the hindsight account of those processes. Over these past 10 years, I have repeatedly picked up my writings and somehow felt that there was something missing.
Very recently I have discovered exactly what these missing parts are. I am now working on completing this book. There is no doubt in my mind now that, although there is a lot of work to be done, I can now evoke the power that the book was missing.
So often we make decisions in our life based on others experience. This can be and has been, in my case, the wrong thing to do. It has now begun to jeopardize my health. This is how it has all come to light.
As so often happens when I reach a grand opening in my life, I find myself writing a poem. This is what I choose to share with you now as a promise of completing the book “Hindsight”.
Why should I protect you – enlighten me on why
Tell me why I should not say those things that make me cry
The pain that I have buried for all these many years
Is beginning to reveal its self while flowing through my tears
There’s so many of you out there that I recall quite well
You may well have forgotten – but I would gladly tell
About the ways that you abused me – took advantage of my youth
I wonder what your peers would say if they only knew the truth
Because I showed a loving heart – afraid to bring you shame
I scurried to my corner – and silently took blame
I told myself it was my fault – each time those things occurred
But now my vision it is clear – no longer is it blurred
The opportunity I gave you to have your way with me
Came simply because I was scared of what might come to be
For more than fifty years I’ve held this sickness deep inside
But now my health is jeopardized – I must no longer hide
I feel the need to scream your name so that everyone can hear
But I recognize that feeling comes from all that buried fear
This fear has been what’s held me in this questioning of worth
Who knows? It might also be why I’ve never given birth
There’s no need for me to tell you – you know just who you are
You know exactly what you did – though the memory maybe far
It’s time that I set myself free – let go, forgive and move on
I’ll celebrate my future – knowing that this pain is gone
I’m ready to release you so that I can now be whole
Completing what I’m here to do with new power in my soul
If you or anyone you know has been the victim of abuse, you must seek professional help. Check for the abuse Hot Line near you so that you may get the help you need.
Remember, you are the creator in your life. Create powerfully and your journey will be abundant and masterful.
Ooooodles of love – Mahri